


Fatherless

by Heckyheck_Icravedeath



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hurt Pepper Potts, Hurt Peter Parker, I literally died when I wrote this, I'm a fucking monster, I'm sorry for this, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Poor Peter Parker, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 03:39:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17480450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heckyheck_Icravedeath/pseuds/Heckyheck_Icravedeath
Summary: Everyday at 12am Peter goes out onto the fire escape to think. This became a habit about a month ago, when his life completely fell apart.He often thought of that day when it all happened. It had been about a week after everyone who was victimized in the snap was brought back. Thanos was defeated and the world was safe again. Everyone was happy and continuing their lives, but then things went downhill. Peter really did try to think of something else. It clearly didn’t work because here he was, thinking about that cursed day again.Peter was sitting at his lunch table with Ned and MJ. It was a Friday and a pretty good Friday. That was saying a lot because his life had been all over the place since he got back from the Soul World. Ned and MJ had kept him grounded that whole week and he was so thankful for them. Flash had been giving him space and he was also thankful for that.





	Fatherless

**Author's Note:**

> Sksks I'm sorry for this:,(( 
> 
> Trigger Warning: 
> 
> · Cutting  
> · Blood

Everyday at 12am Peter goes out onto the fire escape to think. This became a habit about a month ago, when his life completely fell apart. 

He often thought of that day when it all happened. It had been about a week after everyone who was victimized in the snap was brought back. Thanos was defeated and the world was safe again. Everyone was happy and continuing their lives, but then things went downhill. Peter really did try to think of something else. It clearly didn’t work because here he was, thinking about that cursed day again. 

_Peter was sitting at his lunch table with Ned and MJ. It was a Friday and a pretty good Friday. That was saying a lot because his life had been all over the place since he got back from the Soul World. Ned and MJ had kept him grounded that whole week and he was so thankful for them. Flash had been giving him space and he was also thankful for that._

_He was about to take a bite from his sandwich when his name was called through the loudspeaker. “Peter Parker report to the office please. Peter Parker to the office.” He sighed and set down his food. Ned gave him an apologetic look._

_“Tell me what they say when you get back.” He gave his friend a nod before standing up and wandering down to the office. He wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this._

_Pepper Potts was standing in the office, talking to the receptionist. Her hair was in a perfect ponytail and she seemed okay, but Peter knew she wasn’t. He could see it in her eyes, they were a bit red and puffy. Anyone would miss it if they didn’t look close enough, but he did and he immediately knew something was wrong. Pepper rarely cried. She was a strong women who carried herself well. What would make her cry?_

_The receptionist turned to Peter and waved him over. “Shut the door behind you please.” He did as he was told and then moved more into the room to stand beside Pepper._

_“What’s going on?” Anxiety was slowly creeping up on him as the room stayed silent for a few moments. Pepper finally spoke up._

_“I have something really important to tell you.” She sounded broken, defeated. He raised an eyebrow at her._

_“Okay…” He bit down on his lip and tried to stay calm. Everything was probably fine. It couldn’t be that bad right? Pepper’s bottom lip trembled as she tried to make herself speak, tears slowly filled her blue eyes. Fear planted itself into Peter’s stomach._

_“Peter, I...um” She fumbled with her words, a few tears escaped her eyes. She wiped them away quickly and let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know how to say it.” She played with the hem of her shirt, her hands shook as she did so._

_“Just tell me.” He pleaded. The tone of his voice gave away his worry._

_“It’s Tony...he um...he’s gone.” Peter’s eyes went wide and he felt his throat tighten._

_“He’s what?” He croaked out, tears creeped into his eyes. His heart exploded into a million pieces in his chest._

_“He’s dead, Pete. Dead.” Pepper let her tears fall now. She dug her fingernails into her forearm. Peter’s body suddenly became too heavy for him so he sank to the ground. His breathing was getting quick and tears were spilling out of his eyes at a speed he didn’t know was possible. He tried to get words out, anything, but he couldn’t, only sobs escaped his lips. He felt like his whole world was falling apart. His mentor, no, his father figure was gone. Just like Ben, just like his actual father._

_Pepper sat down next to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “I’m so sorry. Want me to take you home?” Peter gave a small nod._

_He waited a few minutes before slowly getting up and making his way to his locker to collect his things. Ned was there with MJ. They were smiling, but once they saw his tear stricken face those smiles dropped. “Pete, what happened?”_

_“Nothing.” He didn’t want to talk about it. Ned opened his mouth, but then closed it, seemingly deciding against what he was going to say. MJ spoke instead._

_“Peter, don’t lie. You’re literally crying. What happened?” He was going to say some sarcastic comment, but he stopped himself. They only cared about his well being. They didn’t deserve to be treated poorly because he was hurt._

_“Mr. Stark is dead.” They both stared blankly at him for a moment. He knew they didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want them to say anything. He just wanted to go home and cry until he couldn’t cry anymore._

_That’s exactly what Peter did. He had told his friends he was going home and they just nodded, giving him sad looks that he hated with every bone in his body. He got his things and walked back to the office where Pepper was waiting. They left the building without a word and got into the black Audi. It made him want to throw up, just being in Tony’s car._

_The drive was fast and they arrived at Peter’s apartment in record time. He thanked her and gave her the best smile he could before exiting the car and walking up to his floor._

_May was home, which was surprising. He knew he would have to tell her what happened and that made him want to throw himself out of the closest window. She was sitting on the couch when Peter walked in. She turned and looked at him with a smile, but it disappeared when she got a good look at him. “Are you okay, Peter?” He shook his head and felt a new set of tears fill his eyes. She stood up and pulled him into a hug. “Honey, what happened?” In between sobs he managed to get out a few words. The only words May needed to hear._

_“Mr. Stark...he’s dead.” She hugged him tighter and kissed his head._

_“Oh sweetie. I’m so so sorry.” Her voice was full of sadness. He cried harder, burying his face into her shoulder._

_They stayed like that for a long time until Peter decided to retreat into his room. May gave him a forehead kiss before he went. She told him to call her if he needed anything. He gave a nod, not trusting his voice to be steady._

_Peter got to his room and closed the door behind him. He locked it and then threw himself onto his bed and cried into his pillow until he fell asleep._

Peter hated that day. He hated life since that day. How could he not? Tony had been his whole life and now he was dead. 

It seemed like life didn’t want him to have a father figure. Everytime he had one they were ripped away from him and it was terrible. He couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling. It was just _that_ bad. 

Peter had stopped crying about it. Now he just stared blankly at the wall or sky. He simply felt numb now. He hated feeling numb. It made him feel like he wasn’t really living. It made him feel like he was dead inside. 

The only thing that brought back any feelings was Peter’s suit. That _damned_ suit. Everytime he spared it a glance he felt his chest tighten and he felt tears sting his eyes. He hadn’t worn it since that day. He couldn’t. It made him think of when they would spend hours on end in the lab working on upgrades for it. It made him think of all the inside jokes they had and all the nights they spent watching movies and eating pizza. It made him feel sick. Everytime he even thought about putting that red and blue suit on he felt bile rise in his throat. He just couldn’t do it. 

So New York had no Spider-Man. It had been a month and the crime rate had already gone up by 15 percent. Peter wanted to go out and do his job. He wanted to be the jolly, go lucky friendly neighborhood Spider-Man that everyone loved, but he physically and mentally couldn’t do that. 

Peter could hear Ben’s voice in the back of his head telling him he had a responsibility and that he couldn’t just give up on it, telling him to listen to what his heart was saying. That was the thing though. His heart was shattered so which piece does he listen to? 

He then thought of everything Tony went through. Even after the whole Civil War thing he continued to be IronMan. He kept at it and never stopped. He never gave up and Peter should do that. He should be strong and do what he needed to do, but how could he if he didn’t even feel alive? That numbness was there, weighing him down and making him feel nothing. How does he make himself feel alive again? 

The idea had come to him a long time ago, but he ignored because he didn’t want to sink that low. He desperately didn’t want to sink that low, but here he was, sitting on his bedroom floor with a razor blade to his wrist. He let tears slip out of his eyes as he dragged the blade across his wrist. It didn’t hurt until the blood had started to drip out because that’s when the stinging started. Peter winced and then against his better judgement made another cut. Then another, then another, and he just kept going until he had about six large cuts that were bleeding pretty well. He stopped and then bandaged them up with gauze. He knew it was unhealthy and he knew he was putting his life at risk, but it made him feel alive again. It made him _feel_. Sure it was pain, but that was a feeling so he would take it. He would take anything over feeling nothing. 

Over the course of the next couple of weeks Peter’s unhealthy habit got more serious. He was doing it almost everyday whenever he could. It surprised him that no one noticed his change in character. He was more closed off and cold. He wore long sleeved shirts all the time and avoided swimming pools. No one noticed or they did and they just didn’t care. He would bet they just didn’t care. After all he was just Peter Parker, the kid without a family. Why would anyone care about him? 

In the back of his mind he knew people cared like Ned, MJ, and May, but still his mind told him they didn’t. His mind told him he was worthless and that he would be better off dead. It also told him he was pathetic and that no one would miss him, they would be grateful for not having to worry about him. In the back of his mind he also knew that things would eventually get better, but still from where he was standing now it didn’t look too good. It looked like things would always be like this, he would always be depressed and broken. 

Flash had started up again with the bullying so it made things so much worse. He already told himself he was worthless and stupid, he didn’t need another person doing that. It just made him cut more and more. It made him go deeper and deeper with hopes of hitting an artery. Peter just wanted to give up. He just wanted to die. So what was really keeping him here? 

He knew the answer. May was keeping him here, Pepper was, Ned was, MJ was. He knew they would hurt. He knew they would feel guilty for not stopping him so he didn’t do it. Peter kept himself alive for them and only them. 

Peter hated himself for the little part of him that wished they wouldn’t hurt so he could kill himself. He hated himself so much and that would never change. What kind of person was he, wishing no one loved him so he could kill himself without feeling bad? That was sick and he knew it was, but he still thought it, everyday, all day. 

Peter didn’t have the energy to stop himself from thinking these things. He didn’t have the energy to break the habit of cutting. He didn't have the energy to do absolutely anything. 

Peter Parker was losing himself and at this point he didn’t know if he wanted anyone to stop it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not okay. I wrote this because of the fact that Tony isn't in the ffh trailer and I am assuming the worst. So like shit man. This was sad and I'm sorry and fucking hell dude. I love you all and thanks for reading!


End file.
